The Dangers of Rivalry - Part 3 (Remembering The Rivals Who Were Once Your Friends)

To read Part 1, Click Here!

For Part 2, Click Here!

Now when I say, "Friends" I don't necessarily mean you personally knew the writers you feel envy, and/or inferiority toward, (Specially if they've been dead for years longer than you've been alive) but rather for the writers whose books made you fall in love with books and the written word in the first place.

Now that you're a writer, you can't face these books the same way anymore, they're now the rivals you must learn from to be a better writer yourself, while at the same time not turn your back at what you bring to stories no one else can.


Before I go on, I need to stress  while many writers I know, particularly those who've progressed their careers far beyond where I am, will say the opposite, I know there are many writers besides myself, who've seen similar success, and worked NO LESS hard to get it, who respect and understand if the reading experience is not the same as it was before we made the shift from being only admiring readers to being writers ourselves.


For those writers who came to the craft later in life, (After Grade school but before College) this wondrous feeling is at risk of extinction during the early years on this road. You don't want to be so married to your words you don't grow and learn, nor be so self-critical and second guessing every choice you make you afraid to be YOU, not X writer who made headlines for the latest sexy vamp on the bestseller lists,

Consider the following-

Both The Diary of Anne Frank and Frank McCourt's "Angela's Ashes" are true accounts of difficult lives, but I'm hard pressed to call them "Clones of each other." Even though both writers were accounting their life in some way.


Gender and age differences aside, they're still both nonfiction, still both snippets of real people who lived and later died, telling their stories, their way.

My point? As writers, we owe it to ourselves to respect and learn to tell the difference, between "Subjective Taste" and "Writing that's just not up to snuff."

Because now more than ever, there are moments when the line between them is nonexistent, yet both equally matter, and handling it wrong can tear even the most committed critique groups apart in heartbreaking--even career-ending ways.

So here's an exercise I urge you to try-

First, make a list of writers/genres of books you used to love reading, but don't since you started writing, and take special note of books or writers you find hard reading since pursuing publication/after being published, that often says a lot about our inner fears that hold us back, not just from the writers we want to be, but the happy readers we used to be, and missed being, and for whatever reason, don't yet know how to be again.

Second, read one of those books or writers, but make the effort of telling yourself, aloud if you have to, "I'm a reader right now, no different than the readers I want to have one day, and I have the right to love or not love any book, no matter who its by" and read the book, for fun.

If you are the type of writer who is comfortable studying for craft in books, I strongly advise only doing so after you've read the book as a hopeful reader first and foremost, pick books you've read more than once, it's a lot less torturous that way, trust me on this one.

Third, once you've read the book(s), take some time to savor what you read (If you enjoyed it) and if you didn't, or stopped because you just didn't find it captivating, tell yourself that's OKAY. Again, aloud if you need to.

Remember, this isn't solely about "A battle of egos" but just the simple fact that we need to learn to notice what's personal taste versus what will confuse/aggravate/bore any reader.

If you've ever had to re-think your own rivalries, or learn from mistakes you made when critiquing others, please share them in the comments below. The holiday is a great reminder for us all to support each other, and extending that generosity and the passion to pursue our unique definitions for success, well into the new year.

Check back soon for Part 4.
Ciao for now,
Taurean

The Dangers of Rivalry - Part 2 (The Overlooked Upsides)

If you haven't read Part 1: Click Here!

Side Note: I apologize for falling behind in the posts I wanted to do, but yesterday got a bit out of hand, so it'll take some time to catch up.

Now onto to the continuing discussion of Rivalry, and it's overlooked assets...

Earlier this week I shared the dangers and pitfalls associated with rivalry, when you let negativity have a field day with your life, it

eclipses all the benefits

That's not to say rivalry never hurts, it certainly can, even with the best of intentions, but while it's true there is no life without struggle, we also were not given life to know know struggle.

To understand all sides to rivalry, let's stop and think about what a "rival" really is.

I looked up the definition again and found out something interesting-

As defined in the dictionary-

Rival

1.  A person who is competing for the same object or goal as another, or who tries toequal or outdo another; competitor.

2.   A person or thing that is in a position to dispute another's preeminence or superiority.

We often associate most rivalry with the first two definitions. In the case of writers, the drive and effort we put into seeing our words in print, whether we follow the traditional model of getting published, become our own publishers (Print or Digital), or some combo thereof, and each path has its own set of challenges, and rivals who either beat us to the punch, or excels at what we're weakest at, often testing our resolve.

But let's start to consider the third meaning of Rival-

3. Obsolete . A companion in duty.

I think this "obsolete" definition of a rival, is the grey area where many frustrated writers, myself included, have a pathetically hard time accepting.

As well as appreciating.

Think about this a moment. A companion is another word for "A Friend." Duty has many meanings, but for writers, I think it's best context is "Responsibility."

Being a good friend or "Companion" is to give of yourself, and accept the help of others when given and is needed.

In this context, rivals can help us find the answers within ourselves, what we want and don't want to be, and how to use the knowledge gained from such experiences to do better by others, thus being better people to ourselves.

Rivalry doesn't have to be fueled solely on anguish or hatred, of oneself and others, but used as guide to being better writers, who in turn can guide the next generation, if only to say: "I've really been where you are, and if you don't quit, it will get better."

Think of a rival as having an aggressive (But NOT heartless) mentor. Someone who you share some common ground. This is why reading in our genre's so important. We can learn from those who love our niche the same as you do, as much as you may differ on the particulars, the passion you share in it is timeless.

Of course, this extends to all writers (Storytellers in this context) in all areas, but for the sake of simplicity, your niche genre(s) is the best starting point.

I realized in writing this that I'll need more than 2 or 3 parts to cover this topic properly, so look out for another installment next week.

The Dangers of Rivalry

While many writers will insist rivalry among ourselves, "doesn't really exist" it does. I've seen and been burnt out from it far too many times myself to deny it, 

I think the real question here is not if this issue exists, but rather the question, "When in the writing process does it start?" 

As former spelling bee champs and Olympic athletes will tell you, rivalry, whether ruthless or not, is part of the game, whether you physically sweat and toil in a track and field race, or feel pin drop silence as two kids face a stage in the final moments of the national spelling bee, where a clear head and fast instinct are paramount to victory.

For writers, especially novelists and short story writers, rivalry comes in three ways-

- Books in our genre(s)

- Writers who specialize in our genre or niche markets

- Other demands for our reader's time 

(Comics/Television/Video Games/Movies/Etc...)

To keep this post focused, today we'll only focus on the first two rivals, other books in our genre, and writers who are well written and often loved in our chosen niche.

There are many dangers to letting a rivalry go to one's head. Here are a few to watch yourself for-

- You can't read in your genre anymore

- Hearing certain authors by name sends a shiver of envy and/infierority down your spine.

- You avoid certain authors like the plague if they write what you write, and are considered "The best" in your niche, and people already thing you're emulating them, even when you know da** well you're not!

- Critique partners who cite problems in your manuscript by using published authors as a quality yardstick.  

- Becoming enraged (Or at least annoyed) with being compared to certain authors just because your niche is the same.

It's one thing to hear "You should work on your pacing" and another to hear "Try studying how X Published Author handles pacing."

Now some writers find rivalry fuels their work in a good way.

For a lot of writers, myself included, the exact opposite is true, for the same reason why some writers love deadlines and others do not, but try to stay sane when they must meet them. 

These tussles of rivalry's negative effects to my writing (or lack thereof) vs. adversity in spite of failure, are often how many of my sabbaticals from writing began. But after nearly a decade of this seesawing my development as a writer, I'm determined to take back control and not let the negative aspects of rivalry, however tangential, get in the way of my dreams and ambition, a promise to myself I have to keep, because life without writing in it is not an option.

Check back more to learn about the upsides to writer rivalry, and ways to channel the feelings of rivalry into something positive, both for your mood, and getting the story written in the end.

Ciao for now,

May the fantastic fauna be with you.